Twas the weekend before school starts

I am so glad I took care of all my school shopping in advance. You know, it's all about planning ahead.  Since I'm a veteran mom of 3, I always get my ducks in a row so the first day if school is smooth and stress free.

Yeahhh...NO.  Mommy is seriously F*cked.

Having been thwarted by cash flow issues and a healthy dose of good 'ol procrastination- no clothes, shoes, nor school supplies have been bought for anyone. 

Well at least Joey doesn't need anything. I mean his educational supplies at the moment consist of an overpriced dog toy- sophie the giraffe, my boob, diapers to shit in and baby food to sample then promptly spit out onto his bib and then smear all over his face and high chair.  

However, I do have a middle schooler who suddenly, OVERNIGHT, does not have a single pair of jeans that fit as well as a pre-schooler whose shoes must have shrunk as I can barely wedge them on his feet.

And backpacks. Backpacks! Ugh!   Somehow my children's backpacks are only designed to last only one school year or less then they self destruct.  Much like your car, when the warranty runs out, they magically unravel; zippers pull apart or jam, seams bust irreparably.  The standards in the Chinese sweatshops obviously have gone downhill in recent years....  

I digress. 

Well it's sure to be a fun filled weekend of last minute shopping madness.  Was it college ruled notebook paper or wide ruled she needed??  Oh hell, I'll just buy both....  Then going to four stores just to find a folder WITH BRADS,  and 3x5 index cards NOT 4x6 because all the other stores were sold out of the proper size AND WE NEED THEM TO BE EXACTLY 3X5 AND BRADS!!! OH GOD DON'T FORGET THE FOLDERS WITH BRADS!!!  Our schools no longer issue books for our kids to learn from, but if I don't get the right kind of notebook paper or find those damned braded folders (braded folders?  folders with brads?  aaaa!) THAT ALONE will be the downfall of my child's education.

RIGGGGGHT.

And for bonus points: my husband is completely swamped with work and will not be able to assist me in herding the children from store to store while going on this fun filled treasure hunt.  So basically I'll be throwing clothes at my daughter to try on, attempting to somewhat discretely nurse a fussy teething baby in public, while chasing my misbehaving 4 year old through the store.  

All you will see is a cloud of clothes being tossed at a bewildered teenage girl, the blur of a pale boobie partially covered by a angry screaming infant attached to a frazzled wild eyed mother that is chasing after a giggling crazed young boy.  Yayness.